Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize