you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
