my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
