Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
