please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize