Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
