i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That accounts for only three of the penises
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
