well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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