party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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