I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
