I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
