i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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