I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
