could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
