Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
