Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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