I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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