I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize