Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
