My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
