He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
