I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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