worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
