I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
