the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need to calm my uterus...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
