then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
