Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
