Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
