We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
