idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
