can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
