you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
