I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
