I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize