I heard we made out
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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