**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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