You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
