ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
