Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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