I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize