There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
