margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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