I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am puke
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
