my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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