Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
