I could make wine with my vomit
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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