i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
