if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
