She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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