i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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