wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
