At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
