i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
