Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
