i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
