There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
