I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
