I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i think im in europe. pls send help
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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