So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
