Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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