Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
