i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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