bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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