I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
