it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
