Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
