She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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